I hesitated to give truth to these feelings because I feel guilty writing about such things. Guilty because when you’re a mom, and your dreams have come true, everything should be feeling great, right?
I remember when I was younger and single, and having a bad day was just par for the course of being a human. But now, I have to make sure my two kiddos and hubby are taken care of, and for me, right now that feels very hard. Here’s what’s been happening:
- I’ve been losing my temper with my 3-year-old all week. We don’t hit our kids (I was hit as a child by my parents, and so was hubby) but losing my temper and grabbing my 3-year-old, feels like I am failing as a parent. And there is no way around this feeling, it’s just how it feels.
- I have lowered my anti-depressant dosage. Sorry for the TMI, but my anti-depressant was affecting my libido, and to address this, I decided to cut my dosage in half. It likely wasn’t the best option for me, because my hormones and emotions have been a rollercoaster lately, and my poor family bears the brunt.
- You can have all the love in the world, and sometimes it just feels hard. Today is one of those days where yes, I’m pretty much living my dream life. I have two babies, an amazingly supportive husband, my dream full-time job, and working on building out my business on the side. And yet, my moods are telling me that life just sucks.
- Just because you’re a mom, doesn’t mean life turns into sunshine and rainbows. I think this last point is very similar to the one right before it. In my entire life, I’ve definitely battled depression and anxiety and ruminating thoughts. And now that I’m a mom, it’s not like those feelings just go away. Life is a series of ups and downs and figuring out what works to make one happy – that I feel, is the basis of life.
Anywho! Before I get too philosophical, I know that building movement back into my life, and getting my meds sorted out, will hopefully bring me back to center. But today – being a mom just sucks!