I realized I haven't written about this since making the announcement in October that hubby and I were trying to conceive. Since that time, my perspective (his kinda) has changed and now – we are actively trying not to make a baby.
I know, I know. It’s confusing. And I’m still trying to work all of it out, but here is what’s going on:
- We’ve gotten into a wonderful rhythm with the kids and work and other aspects of life.
- I love having my free time to build out my digital business as well as my creative writing.
- I come from a big family of five daughters and felt that at many points of my childhood, there were way too many kids and not enough attention. This is a truth I’ve carried with me my entire life and I do not want to continue to have kids and take away much-needed love, attention, and focus on my two babies who are already here.
Strangely, even though hubby is a stay-at-home dad who spends most of his days and weeks with our kids, he still wants to try for another. And me: I’m really OK with our two little guys. They are a handful and they are growing and…throwing another baby in the mix just doesn’t seem to be what’s best for our family. I’ve also come to accept that I will look back longingly at pictures and videos of my little guys when they were babies. But that does not mean I need to have another baby!
I will be 44 in a few months and having two kids in the span of two years was a lot on my body. I gained a significant amount of weight postpartum and am finally feeling myself coming back. Giving my body over to growing another human is not something I am inclined to do any time soon. And since I’m going to be hitting my mid-40’s soon, it doesn’t seem feasible/practical/smart for us to try again when or if I work through these hesitations. I also like the feeling of my body being mine again (I fully weaned the baby off my boobs about 6 weeks ago). It’s also a glorious feeling to get a lot of sleep and watch our little guys becoming more independent and coming into their own.
I also am enjoying having more time to work on my digital business as well as writing. Having another baby would derail most if not all of that.
I’ll let you know if any of this changes, but as of yet, this is our current status: not trying to conceive.
Comment below for any of you who would like to share when and how you realized you were done having kids.