I’m having a hard week!
Hard in that I feel myself throwing a mini (or big, depending on whom you speak to) tantrum because I’m in my 6 month of pregnancy, and things are starting to ache and hurt even more, and that means I’ve got to scale back and modify even more movements at the gym. And I really don’t like that!!!!!! So part three of this segment called “What No One Tells You” is addressing those pesky little unpredictable things that pop up during pregnancy to make you realize that you really have little to no control over what is going on with your growing/changing body. And sometimes it really really really sucks.
So I’ve had this dull ache (sometimes throbbing pain, mostly at night, when I’m in bed and trying to get out of bed or even just turning over from one side to the next) where it feels like the bones of my pubic bone/pelvis are pulling apart from the sides. And, well, they are. There are a ton of hormonal flushes happening that is causing some of this, but it’s also being caused by me doing way too much physically (tons of walking, going to the gym 5 days a week and lifting way too heavy, it seems). And it makes me so mad that I have to stop!
So my symptoms present much like this ailment known as symphysis pubis dysfunction which pretty much is exactly what I just mentioned (bones pulling apart from my pubic bone area.) Here is a lovely graphic that’s more explanatory:
So what this means for the gym, is that I’ve got to lay off heavy lifting, AAANNNDDDD lunges, dynamic movements like jump squats and ice skaters (any motion that would separate my legs or require me to move side to side). Ugh! I’m a control freak, I am realizing this during this pregnancy even moreso, and the realization that I have little to no agency over my body MAKES ME REALLY UPSET!
Can you tell I’m having a hard time with this? I thought that by actively working to avoid pregnancy related issues like diastasis recti meant I was in the clear and could pretty much do whatever the hell else I want. But, it’s really not so. Today I went to the chiropractor with my hubby (he keeps expressing concern at my activity level and I just ignore him) and she told me to scale waaayyy back on the lifting because it’s probably the cause of my pelvic pain. #$%^&@ I’ve already scaled a lot during the past three days at the gym. And I’m really annoyed by it! First off, I am hardly sweating anymore. For anyone who knows me in a workout, I’m one of the first to grab a towel, and now, nary a bead of sweat. Secondly, I just really loved being the #beastpregnant lady who was still busting out clean and jerks and pushing myself during metcons/chippers/amraps/you name it. It’s just not the same anymore, and after this baby comes out of me, I’m honestly not sure when I’ll be back in the gym. So it all feels very scary and sad for me.
I tried to talk to my sister about it, but she doesn’t understand, and hubby doesn’t understand AT ALL (note to everyone: husbands get highly irritating during pregnancy, coupled with hormones, you’ll probably be yelling at them or wanting to gouge their eyes out at the very least, a whole lot). In my moment of despair (I know these are first-world problems but this is very hard for me!) I came across this excellent podcast episode which features a former CrossFit athlete turned pregnant woman, who speaks to what I’m feeling: this loss of self, frustration with my changing body, coming to terms with the fact that I have little to no control and inability to predict the challenges my body will endure as pregnancy changes it week by week.
I don’t really have a remedy to how I’m feeling, other than feeling these feelings and doing what I can to continue to nurture and nourish myself without pushing my body to the point where I’ll have issues during delivery and recovery, cos that would really suck. I’ve got to take a step back and not worry so much about gaining a ton of weight (it’s definitely a fear of mine) or being so out of shape that I’m unable to perform when I come back to the gym after delivery (another one). So much of this process has been a huge leap of faith. And I realize, more and more, how little of that I really have. I’m beholden to these hormones and fear and coming to terms with the fact that my life is really going to change. Ultimately though, I’m excited and thrilled that I will indeed be a mother. So that supersedes all this stuff I’m going through right now, even if it’s taking my attention at the moment. Anyways…